School is just as hard as last year, but harder because I'm actually taking classes that make me want to ram my head into a wall; Chem 105 and PDbio 120. The unfortunate thing about Chemistry is that it is well known for being a "weeder", yet I can't be weeded because I kind of need Chemistry to go to Med school.
Being anything but 18 and a freshman is a beautiful thing. You no longer have to cringe when attractive (clearly older) boys ask you where you live, when you shamefully have to mutter, "Helamen Halls". Also, 21-year-olds aren't scary for the reasons they were last year. They aren't scary because they're older than you, they're scary because they've just gotten home from they're missions and are kind of bizarre. Not being 'baby cougs' is nice because you naturally roam campus with more confidence as you have a better familiarity of where things are, ex. the entrance to the library.
The Village is fine. It is clean and all of my roommates are normal (so far). It definitely lives up to the majority of its stereotypes, good and bad, and that is all I will say on that. I'm very grateful to be out of the dorms for countless reasons, but the biggest adjustment is feeding myself. Besides the fact that my range of culinary skills is very limited, the other key factor in making food is having the motivation to do so; which I often lack. So that's fun.
In the course of 1 month I managed to get back together with Saran Wrap, get my first hickey, attract an artsy hipster, and fall for my chem tutor.
To give justice to the madness, let's elaborate…
Taking a step back, on Memorial Day I had made plans to hike the Y with Saran Wrap, because we were back on speaking terms and he was the only non-freshman boy that I knew of that had yet to hike the Y. Literally 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave, Instagram filled me in on a little something: The squirrel, who hadn't said a word to me since 4th of July weekend, posted a picture of his best friend; his missionary that he's been waiting for, AND that waited for him while he was on his mish. So basically they're in love, and he definitely was not in love with me. Cool. So I go with Saran Wrap, completely livid, and end up making out with him at the top of the Y (once we made it, because of course we took an hour long incidental detour). Those moments of vulnerability led to another two weeks of hanging out and slowly beginning "couply" habits again. bad. Too make a long story short, we got rid of that boy, for the better; Mom said she would not be happy if I brought that puppy home with me again.
Chemistry 105 is life. I befriended a fellow athlete in my class, that I began spending loads of quality study time with. In my defense I genuinely thought that we were just friends, so when we were joking around about how neither one of us had had a good make out for a while, and that it would be an excellent post-test stress reliever, I thought that was acceptable conversation. mistake. So that ended up happening, and I was branded with a lovely hickey, that while in a hidden spot, remained for a solid 10 days. shame.
The next one, we shall call him John Mayer. He sings, he's got the hair, and the baggy John Mayer pants (I'm pretty sure that's a thing). Anyways, the name works. The first time we hung out, we went to the park, talked, and then made out on an air mattress for a significant amount of time. great kisser. I didn't really take any of it seriously just because we did lots of 'hanging out', which I was okay with because of my infatuation with my tutor (that story just below). Although, as of now I'm pretty sure he has actually managed to develop real feelings for me, so there's that.
Lastly, the source of my current heartbreak. If I had been one of those girls that has a checklist of her dream man, tutor would have passed with flying colors. It was everything about him. I almost felt like I needed to make a checklist for him so that I could check everything off. What began as an inside joke and definite infatuation, slowly (but not actually that slowly) snowballed into actual feelings. We went from an hour session in the SAB, to late hours at the library, to studying together on the weekends, to midnight In-n-Out runs, to back scratches, to cuddling and watching Lord of the Rings. Line crossed. The original plan was to secretly pine after him for the three months of chemistry, let him realize there was chemistry between us (lolol), and let him date me next semester. Welp, all of that went out the window when we were being all domestic and making brownies together. I told him that he couldn't be my tutor anymore because he had definitely become more than a tutor. He admitted that we had been on the same page for a while, but that because he had just gotten out of a relationship that we had to take things slow. kay. Tuesday (fresh wound) he came over to study, one thing led to another and we ended up having a game changing conversation. It was one of those where you just keep talking and talking and you don't get anywhere. Too many things were said. Thursday I woke up and I could feel it. I could feel that it was bad. Lack of conversation and not seeing him turned me into all of the things that make being a girl absolutely terrible; needy, paranoid, emotional, blehhh. Friday morning we planned on meeting up so that we could talk. I knew what was going to happen the minute I saw him. Thankfully for me (being the dork/perfectionist that I am) I had prepared outlined notes for what I wanted to say, which was the only thing that kept me from crying. I was so calm and collected, I actually deserved an award. After I was done, he just sat there and said, "I'm just not ready to be in a relationship". "It's really not you". Bull.
At least I have amazing friends who will take me to get 'pity-me froyo'.
Don't trust blondes. The end.
Now I need a new tutor.
and its only the first month of school….
